The Whisper I’m Finally Listening To
Last week I hit publish on a post that made me want to throw up.
Not exactly the glamorous side of writing, right?
But that blog—Why Single Women Are Falling Behind Financially (And Why It’s Not Their Fault)—struck a nerve. With me. And clearly with so many of you. I had people reaching out privately to say, “Me too.”
And while it felt validating to be seen, it also cracked something open in me that I didn’t expect:
My hyper-independence, which helped me survive—and even thrive—as a single woman, might now be quietly working against the life I actually want.
Too Good at Being Alone
I’ve always been fiercely independent.
As a kid, I could spend hours in my room arranging my stuffed animals like a tiny community. I’d build glowing masterpieces with my Lite-Brite and try to master the smoky-eye look on my Farrah Fawcett glamour center. Alone time was never lonely—it was creative, safe, mine.
And not much has changed. I love my own company.
Give me a solo hike with my pup or a day riding my motorcycle through the mountains and I’m lit up from the inside out.
Time alone recharges me. It helps me make sense of the world and return to it grounded and full-hearted.
But here’s the thing: sometimes I’m too good at solitude.
I can fall into the rhythm of my own quiet world so deeply that I forget to reach out. I forget how much I need others. Not in a clingy, desperate way—but in the deeply human way we all do.
And when I come up for air, I notice the ache.
The longing for touch, laughter, shared meals, spontaneous connection. The stuff you can’t get from another solo walk.
The Hidden Cost of Self-Sufficiency
And I know I’m not alone in this.
So many women—especially single women—have built lives on self-sufficiency.
Because we had to.
Because the systems weren’t built for us.
Because asking for help didn’t feel safe.
Because doing it ourselves became our badge of honor.
And while independence has served us in so many ways, it has also quietly cost us.
It’s cost us connection.
It’s cost us softness.
It’s cost us the experience of being held, supported, witnessed—without needing to have it all figured out.
Our culture loves a “strong, independent woman.”
She doesn’t need a man. She doesn’t need anyone. She’s killing it at work. She’s thriving in her home. She’s doing it all.
But what we don’t talk about is how tired she is.
Or how hard it is to keep holding everything alone.
The Whisper
For the better part of the last year, I’ve been hearing a whisper.
It started quietly—easy to ignore—but it’s grown steadier, more persistent. And I’ve shared it only with those closest to me.
The whisper says:
“Stop doing it all alone. Find your community. Like really find it. Need them, and allow them to need you. It will go against everything you believe yourself to be, but it will be worth it. To live a life of love, connection, trust, and to be truly seen for your entire messy, beautiful self—that will be such a gift to give yourself.”
I’m beginning to listen.
And every time I take a step toward community—every time I say yes to connection instead of retreat—I hear that old, familiar voice pipe up:
”Nah, let’s just stay home. It’s safer. It’s easier.”
But now, I’m starting to talk back.
Because I know what I want.
I want a life that includes others.
I want a village.
I want the kind of connection where we carry the load together—not because we can’t do it alone, but because we shouldn’t have to.
I’ve got my work cut out for me, no doubt. But what do I really have to lose?
Nothing.
Only everything I’ve been longing for to gain.
Let’s Keep This Conversation Going
I’d love to hear from you—
Where are you in your own journey with independence and community?
Have you been living life solo for so long it’s hard to imagine letting others in?
Share your story in the comments—or forward this post to someone who needs to feel less alone today.
And if you're ready to stop doing it all alone—especially when it comes to money, purpose, or your next season of life—I’d be honored to walk that path with you.
👉 Book an exploration call with me and let’s connect.